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Barely Breathing

You're probably familiar with the phrase:  "Just take a deep breath - you'll be fine."  But for someone with anxiety, this is the very LAST thing they want to hear.  Believe me...when someone tells me to 'calm down' it makes me anything BUT!

Through yoga teacher training and my own personal yoga practice, something became quite clear......breathing is HARD.  No, not just breathing to survive...but actually LISTENING to your breath.  When was the last time you noticed subconsciously how hard your body is working for you?  Or better yet, when was the last time you stopped everything you were doing to just BE?!

If you haven't guessed it, this post is about Breathing/Meditation.  No, I'm not an expert at specific types of meditative work, nor do I practice for hours on end each day.  What I DO, in fact, is something that's actually very simple to the core.  I sit...and I breathe. 

That's (really) it.
 
For the past few weeks, I've experimented with short meditation or breathing exercises almost every day.  I've tried calming music, guided exercises, etc.  Now, a few years ago, if you would have asked me to try sitting still for just 5 minutes, I would have told you that you were insane.  In fact during my yoga training, I DID try practicing silent breaths for 5 minutes by setting a timer on my phone.  And you know what?  I HATED IT!  I absolutely hated EVERY. SINGLE. MINUTE.  My mind was racing, I kept peeking my eyes open just to learn I'd only stayed quiet for 20 seconds...I just didn't "get" meditation.  I thought it was stupid.  Why would someone want to be completely still for minutes on end doing NOTHING?  There's so much on my to-do list I need to get done, I can't be unproductive for any second of the day otherwise I'm a failure....
 
 
Ladies and gentleman, I just answered my own question...
 
My sentences above are EXACTLY why breathing/meditation are important.  Because we are SO BUSY and OVERWORKED and EXHAUSTED and TIRED and STRESSED and ANXIOUS...you get the drift... 
 
Fast forward 4+ years later.  My body's reaction to stress has taken a toll.  Headaches, anxiety, post-partum depression, the need for therapy and anxiety medication.  Don't get me wrong: the past few years I've been blessed as a mom & have been granted amazing career opportunities for myself ...HOWEVER...I've learned through supervision with colleagues that GOOD STRESS is still STRESS.  And bottom line:  I need to take care of myself to be the best mom, the best wife, the best dietitian; the best SELF I can be.
 
Now how does meditation play a role here?  Well, I'm not sure exactly WHY I started dabbling in meditation videos recently, but I'm truly glad I did.  I figured "I've tried everything else - why not give this a shot too?"  So with good intention, I went to good 'ol YouTube and searched for 5/10minute meditation music or guided meditations.  I'd sit, listen, and breathe.  Was my mind completely shut off ?  Absolutely not.  But part of the learning process was being okay with that.  If I thought of something, I wouldn't get freaked out by it...I'd notice it...then bring my attention to my breath, to a "mantra" or quote, or something else. 
 
What did I notice when I started shutting out the outside world?  Well first off, it's HARD.  Yep - stopping everything in this crazy world isn't necessarily easy...but it is doable.  Second, I started noticing weird sensations - maybe my back would start to ache, I'd get tingly in my forehead, or something else super strange.  At this time I was still getting headaches so I just assumed it was because I was paying more attention to it.  I became curious and started to "send my breath" there.  Yes, sounds super duper holistic, but again, I wanted to try it out.  So I did.  
 
Can you guess what happened next?
 
Well for starters, I began to notice it was getting surprisingly easier to sit still and quiet for longer periods of time.  10 minutes turned into 15, 15 into 20, 20 into 25 minutes.  How can it be that someone who used to absolutely hate sitting still could somehow now be looking forward to peace and quiet for almost 30 minutes at a time?  I was quite intrigued.  So I continued the next day..and was shocked to notice for a brief period of time the tingling completely stopped in my forehead.  I couldn't believe it!   Does this mean I'm completely "cured" from my headaches?  Well, No...I still attend my chiropractor regularly and comply with her recommendations...but headaches aside, I've realized what I've been missing from my life lately is ME TIME.   Since I've started doing regular 15+ minutes of breathing/meditation, I've also started incorporating more walks during my weeks, I've read more books than I have in years...I'm even allowing myself to binge watch Netflix and Hulu from time to time ;-)

My point is...

Taking time for yourself isn't a waste of energy (like I had previously thought)! 

I spend a lot of time with clients educating about self-care, but it's also a topic I have to work on myself.  The best part is: self-care looks different for everyone (i.e. it doesn't have to be meditation)!  Think of it this way: Is there something you love to do (a hobby, activity, etc.) but haven't been able to find the time?  Is there a book or a show that you're dying to read or watch, but you feel like you're being pulled in a million different directions?  Do you spend all your time taking care of others you forget about yourself?  Then you need some self-care!!  Even the smallest actions - taking a bath, painting your nails, listening to music - can really make a difference in your well-being.  Believe me, the world will not magically crumble if you look away from Facebook or e-mails for one minute. 

 
 I'd really encourage everyone to give meditation a try - or maybe not.  (But seriously, you should)!

Yes your mind will wander...yes you'll notice weird things about your body or breath you've never paid attention to...no your mind won't magically be silenced.  That's the point.  What do you notice comes up for you in those few moments of "quiet?" 

If you're absolutely NOT going to try meditation, at least find a few minutes for yourself today (and every day).  Remember:  You cannot give your all if you're running on empty. :)

 

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