Jealousy is the Fear of Comparison





With the start of the New Year, I planned to NOT write about resolutions, but instead on the topics of jealousy & competitiveness we all face.  For me personally, I've always struggled with wanting to be the BEST....the best daughter, friend, student, mother, wife, dietitian, yoga instructor, writer....just to name a few.  And then this past week right before the start of 2019, the year 2018 kind of blew up in my face unexpectedly.  While I do want to keep this blog as authentic, open & relatable as possible, I also have the right to choose what things I keep private.  I mean in all seriousness, even mentioning sadness can be extremely vulnerable, so I guess that's a start.

 



 

"Still I Rise" by Maya Angelou (quoted above) is my absolute favorite poem of all-time.  It is strong, inspiring, raw, emotional, vulnerable, daring, wonderful, sassy, classy, fierce....the descriptions could go on an on.  Every time I read those words, I feel powerful and strong - which is exactly what I need right now.  Even though I never wish bad things upon anyone, the cliché term 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger' is so true...and yet I also hate it. 

 

You know what's also true?  There's always going to be someone better than you.  Always.  But what you also should know is that 'better' is subjective.  While it's easy to notice your own shortcomings and feel that frustration bubble up deep in your core, just know that

 

YOU ARE ENOUGH.

 



I have spent my entire life not believing that short phrase.  I am very competitive, (and while not my strongest suit) I can also get a little jealous from time to time.  I compare my self to my coworker's success, I compare my marriage to others' relationships,  I feel my mom-skills are always under watch....and believe me it doesn't end there. 



 

 

I recently made an atypical post on my social media calling out for 'help' on my guilt (mom, marriage, and just general life-related) and I received an astounding response from many of my family & friends.  It's comforting to know that so many people struggle with balancing life's expectations like I do.  And from what I gather there's no easy solution - but you DO have to try and make what's important a priority. 

 

So what IS a priority in your life?  Well that can change on the daily; there's no easy pie chart to tell you 30% of your time should go to this, 70% to that; it will ebb and flow...and most likely between a dozen other things as well.  And that's what's tricky for me (and I think everyone out there) to figure out in the moment.  But somehow we do...even when we feel like failures.

 

 

These topics are all intertwined.  When jealousy comes, so does comparison...then envy...then anger.  It's a sick and twisted spiral, unless you or I make changes in that cycle.  I've done so much internal work this past year, that even though I know it's impossible to be the best at everything, (and I do know my awesome unique-ness), I also know I'm human.   A little birdie once told me "You teach people how you want to be treated."  And how else do I expect others to treat me with respect or kindness, if I'm too busy caring what other people think? Or trying to be like somebody else?

So for the people in the back - I know I'm not perfect!

But I also know I AM ENOUGH.

But just because I know I'm enough, this does not mean I'm free from life's unexpected events.  I will still experience both good and negative emotions - but sometimes it takes struggling through life, or maybe just an inspirational quote here and there - to then be able to rise above whatever else life throws our way.