Mental Health for Mental Health Professionals

I think it's safe to say 2020 has been a stressful year for all of us.

Working in mental health, I've personally seen a spike in anxiety, depression and other mental health concerns coming up for both clients and colleagues alike (myself included). Being considered essential employees respectively, my husband and I have both continued to work in-person the entire pandemic; and are currently bracing for yet again the second wave of increased COVID cases.  From my point of view, my family and coworkers have done a tremendous job continuing to show up for our clients/customers in the most stressful of times; no type of emergency drill or education can prepare you for this historical experience we're all living through.   But recently, specifically in the last few months & latter part of the year - I'm realizing a number of stressors are finally taking its toll and starting to wear us ALL down.

I've learned in myself that I show up either one of two ways under stressful circumstances - I could present as avoidant but shut down/numb, or on the flip side avoidant but hyper-active/fidgety (it's even been pointed out that I talk even faster than usual). Yesterday, I initially thought I was just in a bad mood, but on my drive home it struck me that I was experiencing little or no interest in doing ANYTHING.  I was feeling very hypo-oriented; in a lull.  There wasn't anything specific about the day that triggered it - it was a pretty low key Wednesday.  Overall, I think my cumulative stress has just been building and building over the past few months, and it's starting to boil over.

This is where my mindfulness practice comes in.

Another sign that I'm close to experiencing burnout is when my own self-care and hobbies start taking a backseat.  My yoga and meditation practices become less frequent, I don't journal or utilize any free time for creativity...this just spirals into me becoming irritable, annoyed and unproductive all around.  It's a terrible Catch-22 to get caught up in.

This morning I found some solace when my body woke me up earlier than expected.  I had time to get myself and Eli ready for work/school and with some spare time left over.  It was then that I decided (and was quickly eager) to start my day with a meditation.  I listened to ocean sounds and repeated the phrase over and over "Today, I will cultivate joy."  When I pulled a tarot card, it was ironically the 5 of Swords, representing conflict.  I took this card in the literal sense, representing mine (and the collective world's) difficult situations & stressors that 2020 has put the spotlight on.  

During my meditation I held onto three crystals - a rose quartz (self love),  carnelian (creativity and relationships), and titanium quartz (all chakra balancing).  While I usually sit in silence, I had an intense urge to sigh/grunt loudly with my exhale breaths....so I did. It was amazingly refreshing, although to be honest felt awkward at first.  It was almost immediately then - literally moving the [negative] energy out of my body - that I started to feel some relief.  There was no longer a dull pain in the pit of my stomach.  The only recent memory I can relate it or compare to was the brief sense of relief I felt when Biden was projected the winner of this year's presidential election over Trump.

So why share this with you all?  To remind you that mental health providers are not immune to mental health concerns. This year has definitely shined a light on the issues we've all been avoiding - whether as a society or internally.  I know I preach to my eating disorder clients that all feelings have a purpose - but when you're in the middle of an anxious or depressive episode it's so hard to see the bright side. 

I'm here to remind you - and myself - that it will all be okay.  Maybe not right now, this moment; but someday.  We at least can count on that. If you are an essential worker, your mental health matters too. Take care of you, so we can finally put 2020 and COVID behind us in the history books.