It's official: a year (plus a few weeks) has flown by. This length of time signifies how long I've held my newest title as "Mom." And whether I like to think this way or not, it is the ONLY role I'll continually have for the rest of my life.
Putting it that way seems VERY overwhelming. But to be honest motherhood is just that: Overwhelming. Rewarding. Exhausting. Amazing. The hardest thing I've ever done... There are SO many other descriptions I could list and still not fully capture it. Sometimes I feel like there are a billion secrets about mommy hood people seemed to just 'leave out' while I prepared for 9 months.
Which brings me to the heart of this post. As I'm the type of person who likes to be prepared for what's to come (even though most adventures as a mom are NEVER predictable) I wanted to share some of the things I've learned in hopes to better prepare others for their parenthood journey.
1) You Will be Eternally Exhausted
Yep. Pretty much expected and self-explanatory, but it's just so true I kept it in here.
I personally love sleep, and never realized how capable I'd still be on so LITTLE beauty rest. Whether it's waking up multiple times per night, chasing after a walking/running 1-year old, dealing with an infant who's fighting sleep when all you want to do is zonk out....you get the picture. My advice? Don't be Super-Mom. Sleep when baby sleeps. Don't try to finish laundry or dishes or whatever chore you feel you have to do...trust me; you'll thank me later --> Probably when you're not passing out at 5 p.m....you're welcome :-)
2) You Are Not A Parenting Expert
...and neither is your mom. Or your grandmother...or your next door neighbor...Or your coworker. (Get the picture??). While you or your loved one may have read the most "up-to-date" research on the newest hip parenting style for sleep training, babywearing, disciplining, feeding schedules (etc....) and think you have the "right" answer....then you're in for a surprise.
Plain and simple: It all comes down to what works for you and your family. Not saying "old school" or "new school" is better or worse, but please don't try to dish out parenting advice unless you are A) Asked for your opinion; or B) Genuinely trying to offer help and are not being judgmental. Another rule of thumb: you definitely shouldn't be dishing advice if you yourself can't take it from others. :)
Want a useful parenting quote? "As a mother, the choices you make for your family could be the BEST option for some, and yet still be the WORST for others." Example: Serving boxed mac&cheese for dinner may not be the most "nutritious" per say, but if that's all a family can afford, then you're damn right boxed max&cheese is the BEST choice for them.
3) Post-Partum Hormones are No Joke
This one really caught me off guard.
Like most moms-to-be, I was warned of Postpartum Depression symptoms, but didn't realize how vast the range of severity could be from mom-to-mom. Just a few days after Eli was born, I experienced the baby blues pretty bad. I was constantly crying for no reason, had high anxiety about sleeping with he also slept - my fear of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome [SIDS] did not help the situation. Looking back, I probably should have discussed these symptoms with my doctor, but eventually felt fine and thought it was nothing to worry about anymore.
Fast forward 7-8 months later. Eli started nursing less and eating more table food; I had my first menstrual cycle due to producing less breast milk. Guess what started acting up again? Those damn hormones. I was once again feeling depressed, exhausted, second guessed my ability to be a good mom, and had little interest in work, friends, and unfortunately, my responsibilities to Eli. This led to HUGE mommy guilt (see post 4 below) and I had no idea what was going on with me.
I once again contemplated seeing a therapist, but after doing my own research and discussing my feelings with other moms, I realized I wasn't alone.
My personal solution was to start making myself a priority; taking time for myself everyday to either do yoga, write, read, hang with friends, etc. I also started becoming more involved in my church during this time; putting my faith into God rather than letting my anxieties get the best of me has been a tremendous help.
While being a mom will forever be my #1 obligation, I've realized it's also important to not forget who I AM as well. Doing the things I love ultimately makes me happy, and in turn makes me a better and more patient mother.
**I would like to note that I still do wish I would have sought out professional help earlier on. Even though I seemed to have gotten my anxieties under control without seeking a therapist, that does not mean my "solutions" would work for every mom. If you suspect you have symptoms of PPD, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE discuss your feelings with a significant other, friend, family member or mental health professional!
4) Mommy-Guilt
Fellow moms have told me time and time again: From now until forever, you will always have feelings of "mommy guilt." Anytime your baby gets hurt under your watch, or anytime your baby is crying and you can't get them to calm down, it will always be "your fault." While I know realistically this isn't the case, sometimes you just can't help how you feel.
I've even had guilty feelings when trying to take care of myself - showering while Eli was crying, or eating a cold dinner when he wanted my full attention. When this happens I sometimes become frustrated or overwhelmed...and as a result feel guilty for my reactions AND doing the simple things I'm still entitled to as a human being!
So what's a mom to do!? During these times don't be afraid to ask for help. Let dad or grandma or another trusted adult take the driver's seat for a bit. Even though we as moms think we have it all figured out, sometimes someone else's perspective is just what the doctor (or really, the baby) ordered.
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Take it from me...just know that as long as you are doing the best you can, you are an AMAZING momma. With all the mommy judging going on in the world, I don't think we hear this enough. So I will say it again:
...Wow...
Putting it that way seems VERY overwhelming. But to be honest motherhood is just that: Overwhelming. Rewarding. Exhausting. Amazing. The hardest thing I've ever done... There are SO many other descriptions I could list and still not fully capture it. Sometimes I feel like there are a billion secrets about mommy hood people seemed to just 'leave out' while I prepared for 9 months.
Which brings me to the heart of this post. As I'm the type of person who likes to be prepared for what's to come (even though most adventures as a mom are NEVER predictable) I wanted to share some of the things I've learned in hopes to better prepare others for their parenthood journey.
1) You Will be Eternally Exhausted
Yep. Pretty much expected and self-explanatory, but it's just so true I kept it in here.
I personally love sleep, and never realized how capable I'd still be on so LITTLE beauty rest. Whether it's waking up multiple times per night, chasing after a walking/running 1-year old, dealing with an infant who's fighting sleep when all you want to do is zonk out....you get the picture. My advice? Don't be Super-Mom. Sleep when baby sleeps. Don't try to finish laundry or dishes or whatever chore you feel you have to do...trust me; you'll thank me later --> Probably when you're not passing out at 5 p.m....you're welcome :-)
2) You Are Not A Parenting Expert
...and neither is your mom. Or your grandmother...or your next door neighbor...Or your coworker. (Get the picture??). While you or your loved one may have read the most "up-to-date" research on the newest hip parenting style for sleep training, babywearing, disciplining, feeding schedules (etc....) and think you have the "right" answer....then you're in for a surprise.
Plain and simple: It all comes down to what works for you and your family. Not saying "old school" or "new school" is better or worse, but please don't try to dish out parenting advice unless you are A) Asked for your opinion; or B) Genuinely trying to offer help and are not being judgmental. Another rule of thumb: you definitely shouldn't be dishing advice if you yourself can't take it from others. :)
Want a useful parenting quote? "As a mother, the choices you make for your family could be the BEST option for some, and yet still be the WORST for others." Example: Serving boxed mac&cheese for dinner may not be the most "nutritious" per say, but if that's all a family can afford, then you're damn right boxed max&cheese is the BEST choice for them.
3) Post-Partum Hormones are No Joke
This one really caught me off guard.
Like most moms-to-be, I was warned of Postpartum Depression symptoms, but didn't realize how vast the range of severity could be from mom-to-mom. Just a few days after Eli was born, I experienced the baby blues pretty bad. I was constantly crying for no reason, had high anxiety about sleeping with he also slept - my fear of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome [SIDS] did not help the situation. Looking back, I probably should have discussed these symptoms with my doctor, but eventually felt fine and thought it was nothing to worry about anymore.
Fast forward 7-8 months later. Eli started nursing less and eating more table food; I had my first menstrual cycle due to producing less breast milk. Guess what started acting up again? Those damn hormones. I was once again feeling depressed, exhausted, second guessed my ability to be a good mom, and had little interest in work, friends, and unfortunately, my responsibilities to Eli. This led to HUGE mommy guilt (see post 4 below) and I had no idea what was going on with me.
I felt like I was going crazy.
I once again contemplated seeing a therapist, but after doing my own research and discussing my feelings with other moms, I realized I wasn't alone.
My personal solution was to start making myself a priority; taking time for myself everyday to either do yoga, write, read, hang with friends, etc. I also started becoming more involved in my church during this time; putting my faith into God rather than letting my anxieties get the best of me has been a tremendous help.
While being a mom will forever be my #1 obligation, I've realized it's also important to not forget who I AM as well. Doing the things I love ultimately makes me happy, and in turn makes me a better and more patient mother.
**I would like to note that I still do wish I would have sought out professional help earlier on. Even though I seemed to have gotten my anxieties under control without seeking a therapist, that does not mean my "solutions" would work for every mom. If you suspect you have symptoms of PPD, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE discuss your feelings with a significant other, friend, family member or mental health professional!
4) Mommy-Guilt
Fellow moms have told me time and time again: From now until forever, you will always have feelings of "mommy guilt." Anytime your baby gets hurt under your watch, or anytime your baby is crying and you can't get them to calm down, it will always be "your fault." While I know realistically this isn't the case, sometimes you just can't help how you feel.
I've even had guilty feelings when trying to take care of myself - showering while Eli was crying, or eating a cold dinner when he wanted my full attention. When this happens I sometimes become frustrated or overwhelmed...and as a result feel guilty for my reactions AND doing the simple things I'm still entitled to as a human being!
So what's a mom to do!? During these times don't be afraid to ask for help. Let dad or grandma or another trusted adult take the driver's seat for a bit. Even though we as moms think we have it all figured out, sometimes someone else's perspective is just what the doctor (or really, the baby) ordered.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Take it from me...just know that as long as you are doing the best you can, you are an AMAZING momma. With all the mommy judging going on in the world, I don't think we hear this enough. So I will say it again:
YOU. ARE. AMAZING!
While I will never be a perfect mother, looking at my son's smile everyday proves that I must be doing something right. :-)
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